Living in a state of blessedness

Over the last several weeks, some pretty terrible things have happened in my life -- the rapid decline and death of my mother, my sister's luggage taking an unscheduled trip to Dallas, coming home to water damage in my apartment (which somehow emerged unscathed from the earthquake and storms). What I remember most, though, is the overwhelming outpouring of kindness, concern, and help from so many friends.

At Landsun Homes in Carlsbad NM where Mom was staying, the hospice staff, nurses, aides, and housekeeper constantly looked in on us and were so diligent in keeping Mom comfortable in her last weeks. They also took care of my sister and me. Trays of cookies, fruit, coffee, and tea, would magically appear as we sat by Mom's bedside. One of the health care aides took our laundry home with her, washed and folded it, and brought it back to us the next day. Before and after our trip to Carlsbad, one of Mom's friends hosted us in her house in Roswell, fed us, and even slept on her couch so that one of us could be in the guest room and one in her bedroom. The Landsun Homes chaplain drove 70 miles to Roswell to be at Mom's memorial service, even though it was the same day as the monthly group remembrance service at Landsun, and a family member of his had just gone into hospice care that week. The choir director at Mom's church in Roswell put out the word, and more than 40 choir members took time out of their work day (and during the choir's summer break) to do a quick rehearsal before the memorial service and sing a very difficult anthem that was one of Mom's favorites. My employer sent flowers (and hasn't complained about my taking almost 3 weeks off work). The minister, funeral home director, cemetery staff, and the company that makes the headstones all walked us through the process with so much kindness and efficiency. A friend of ours picked up the tab for dinner and drinks for a whole table full of us on Saturday. Two of my friends drove 10 hours from Mesa, Arizona, to be at the memorial service and spend some time with us afterward. High school classmates whom I have not seen in over 20 years showed up to pay their respects and spend some time with us.

I got back home last night around midnight, and the woman at the front desk (who knows all about who is who in the condo) stopped me and let me know that my upstairs neighbor's AC unit had leaked water into my apartment but that my friends had mopped up and moved some of my computer peripherals to safety. One of those friends had been caring for my plants while I was gone. Three of them came in on Sunday to put meals in my fridge and a huge bouquet of flowers on my table, and they discovered the leak. They had alerted the front office so that the leak could be fixed immediately. Nothing was damaged that cannot be replaced, and once things dry out completely, the maintenance folks will make the drywall repairs, and I will see if my printer and scanner still work.

Because of the constant support of our whole network of friends and family, my sister and I had the time and energy we needed to cope with Mom's last days and death. We were close before, but during this time we really depended on each other to do what we needed to do and keep each other company. There is a concept in Ethical Culture called the Ethical Manifold, which describes the interconnected nature of all people and things, and the unique part that each of us plays in shaping the world. If this isn't an illustration of the Ethical Manifold at its best, I don't know what is.

News from the Silver Spring Transit Center

The big hole in the ground now has what appears to be a forest of rebar sticking out in one area. Dare we hope for actual construction before the two-year anniversary in September?

Silver Spring Transit Center now has a gravel pile

After a long hiatus, here are a couple more photos of the hole in the ground that is the Paul Sarbanes Transit Center in Silver Spring. You will notice that a gravel pile feature has been added. As a reminder, groundbreaking for this project was September 2008, just over a year and a half ago.

Arguments vs. Fights

Words of wisdom from "Thinking with Flying Logic" by Robert McNally. This was passed along to me by my co-worker John Forbes.

"When we think of an argument, many of us envision scowls, angry gesticulation, and yelling. We imagine petty name-calling, a parade of unforgiven grievances, and other emotional power plays. Most importantly, we imagine arguing to get our way— to show that we are right and others are wrong. But such an interaction is not an argument— it is a fight. In a fight there may be winners, but there will certainly be losers, and injuries for all.

A real argument is a shared search for truth. In an honorable argument people can still be passionate, but they follow the rules of logic just as drivers follow the rules of the road. And even though people approach a situation from different perspectives and with different preconceptions, the positions they take should be seen as suggestions that are ultimately intended as win-win, even if they initially fall far short. Indeed, even such flat statements as, 'We’ll get along fine as soon as you learn to do things my way,' hint at a common objective: getting along.

When argument is viewed as a search for truth, it becomes possible to see adapting one’s position to new information and ideas not as weak or wishy-washy, but as a challenge to which only a mature, strong, and honorable person can rise. More pragmatically, all sides can begin to look forward to not merely getting their way, but getting something better in the form of a win-win solution."

Digging a Bigger Hole

The excavation crew is back at it at the Silver Spring Transit Center site. Lots of equipment coming and going, most of the digging was happening near the MARC platform this morning (the end farthest from Wayne Avenue). The big pit continues to expand.